


Cut Your Loses

by f0rcryin0utl0ud



Category: Haven (TV)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt, Episode Tag, Gen, M/M, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-20
Updated: 2019-11-20
Packaged: 2021-02-16 03:13:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21500917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/f0rcryin0utl0ud/pseuds/f0rcryin0utl0ud
Summary: The scotch burns on the way down, and his eyes sting from the alcohol but Duke swallows down another mouthful from his still mostly full tumbler, ignoring it all as he chases the dullness of an alcohol fulled haze.
Relationships: Audrey Parker & Nathan Wuornos, Duke Crocker & Nathan Wuornos, Duke Crocker/Nathan Wuornos
Comments: 5
Kudos: 22





	Cut Your Loses

The scotch burns on the way down, and his eyes sting from the alcohol but Duke swallows down another mouthful from his still mostly full tumbler, ignoring it all as he chases the dullness of an alcohol fulled haze. He can still hear Nix's struggles, still see his eyes. He doesn't even have to close his own to relive the moment over and over again. Not even knowing that countless children and their families, and future families, will be free from his trouble is enough to ease the guilt and revulsion he feels at what Audrey had asked him to do; what he'd done.

Footsteps on the dock behind him echo loudly and he knows exactly whose step they are before Nathan even climbs aboard the Cape Rouge. Duke doesn't bother turning around, just keeps staring out at the water, toward the open ocean and thinks how easy it would be to set sail and leave Haven far behind.

Duke finishes off the scotch in his glass before filling it up again. He's lost count how many times he's filled it since he left the Gull. It sloshes over the side and the bottle wobbles precariously as he sets it back on the table beside him. His hand shaking as he brings it to his lips.

Before Nathan can say anything, another flash of Nix struggling against Duke's hand over his mouth flashes in his mind and suddenly it's too much, and Duke is lurching out of his chair and to the side of the Rouge, emptying his stomach of most of a bottle of scotch over the side. Wiping a shaking hand across his mouth, Duke tries to stand and finds Nathan there, helping him up. He wants to shake him off, but knows he'd likely face plant on the deck if he did, and his pride isn't quite willing to let that happen.

“What do you want, Nathan?” he growls, instead, as soon as Nathan has helped him back into his chair.

“Hospital called,” Nathan said carefully, eyeing Duke like he thought Duke was about to go for his throat, and Duke refused to admit how fucking much that hurt. “Said all the kids recovered.”

Duke met Nathan's eye silently, daring him to ask when he already knew the answer.

Nathan's eyes strayed to the side of the Rouge where Duke had just been sick before turning back to Duke, a hint of uncertainty hidden in their blue depths. Duke swallowed thickly before reaching for his glass again, ignoring Nathan's frown.

“You said you weren't your father,” Nathan said suddenly, accusation clear in his tone and Duke snorted into his scotch.

Tilting his head back to stare at the stars Duke stayed silent for several minutes before taking another drink and then murmuring, “I wonder if my father had Lucy Ripley telling him that he could save people – children – dozens, scores of children, and all he had to do was just kill one man, the way I had Audrey.” He lifted his head and glared and Nathan. “You think I wanted to kill that man? You think I want this god damn trouble, Nathan?” Duke's stomach started turning again and he slammed his glass back on the table and braced his elbows on his knees, breathing deeply to try and avoid a repeat performance. “I get that you hate me now Nathan, because you think your white knight routine to save Audrey from me makes you think you're better than me, but I've never done anything to hurt her – I will never do anything to hurt her.” He looked up at Nathan, reaching out for his glass again. “After today, I can't say the same thing about her. So you can take your self-righteous act and shove it up your ass, because I don't need it right now.” Downing the rest of his scotch, Duke got unsteadily to his feet, and shoved past Nathan, stumbling toward the hatch that would take him to his state room.

“Duke,” Nathan said, reaching out but Duke shook off his hand.

“Don't,” he snapped. Leaning against the hatch, he pressed his forehead against the cool metal. “We were friends Nate,” he said quietly, his words starting to slur together. “I thought maybe someday we'd be more than that – but it's pretty clear now what you really think of me, between that god damn tattoo on your arm, and looking at me like I'm about to turn into a fucking serial killer every time you see me.”

“I'm sorry,” Nathan said quietly.

Duke snorted, shaking his head, letting his forehead roll against the hatch, his eyes closed. “No you're not. If you were, you never would have done half the shit you have the past few months. I just can't figure out if it's because you really believe I could actually be a fucking monster, or if it's because you're being a god damn jealous asshole. Either way, you can get the fuck off my boat. I'm going to bed.”

Nathan swore softly to himself, and Duke heard his footsteps on the deck as he struggled to open the hatch, his eyes not wanting to cooperate with him, barely opening. “Stubborn son of a bitch,” Nathan muttered, as he manhandled Duke aside to open the hatch and help him down into the stateroom.

Duke was forced to let Nathan half lead, half drag him toward his bunk, his limbs numb from the scotch and he suspected from shock at having murdered Harry Nix in cold blood. When he was curled on his side, a blanket thrown over him, a bucket beside the bed, a pillow behind him so he couldn't roll over in the middle of the night and choke on his own vomit, Nathan stood beside the bed with a put upon sigh. Duke cracked open a eye. “I thought I told you to get the fuck off my boat,” he mumbled.

“You remember when you joined the Rev?” Nathan asked, voice quiet but firm and insistent, demanding that Duke pay attention and answer.

Duke squinted at him. “What are you talking about?”

“You told Audrey you could trust her. That it was still you.”

Duke could already feel the headache coming on that was going to be with him most of tomorrow. “What about it?”

“You can trust me, Duke,” Nathan said seriously. “I know it doesn't seem like it right now. I know I'm not giving you a lot of reasons to, but you can trust me. I'm still me.”

Duke closed his eyes and swallowed. “Thing is, Nate – me trusting you has never been the problem.” He shook his head as if disagreeing with something Nathan had said, even though he hadn't said anything in response. “You're the one who has never trusted me – and from where I'm standing, this is all just more of the same. Sometimes you just have to know when it's time to cut your loses, Nate – before you have nothing else left to lose.”

Duke could barely open his eyes now, the rocking of the Rouge was lulling him into, if not sleep, at least a drunken stupor. He thought he felt something in his hair, something brush across his forehead but he was too far gone by that point to know what it was.

Above him Nathan closed his eyes against the words that wanted to spill out of him. He ran his fingers through Duke's hair, pressed a kiss to his forehead and sighed. “I'm not going to let you cut me out of your life, Duke,” he muttered, “and I'm not cutting you out of mine. I just have to play the game, find out what the hell is going on so I can protect both you and Audrey. I'm not going to lose either of you.” 

Of course, Nathan also had to find out what the hell Audrey had been thinking turning Duke into a killer. He understood her reasoning – trying to set all of Harry Nix's children free, but the price to Duke for that to happen... Nathan was terrified that what Audrey had done was going to have heinous consequences for Duke in the future, and Nathan was going to have to act as if Duke was some kind of monster in the making to keep his cover now. Scrubbing a hand through his hair, Nathan glanced down at Duke one more time before heading off the Rouge, locking up behind him, and back to the station. There was still so much to do to make sure Duke and Audrey were safe – and Nathan would make sure that no one stood in his way.


End file.
